


Love in Petrovia

by cutthroatpixie, youaremarvelous



Series: Kenzie and Katy’s Drunken Feast of Words [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Christmas, Dog training, Lesbian awakening, M/M, Magic, Petrovia, Uhaul Gay, hallmark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 10:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12957492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutthroatpixie/pseuds/cutthroatpixie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/youaremarvelous/pseuds/youaremarvelous
Summary: It's the Christmas season and Secret Prince Vikor Nikiforov needs a dog trainer to train his three-legged dog Makkachin to put the star on the top of the Christmas tree. Thankfully, while he's living in New York (secretly), he encounters barista Yuuri Katsuki, who he can tell probably just has a thing for poodles. There's Gay Moms and Gay Best Friends and Gay Love Interests. That's the story of Viktor and Makkachin and Yuuri and Petrovia.





	Love in Petrovia

Viktor Nikiforov is a very important prince in the kingdom of Petrovia.

 

One day, he went to get coffee. But not Russian coffee because he was not from Russia. “Itt was New York coffee, a complete mystery of a coffee. So unique. He had no idea what kind of coffee it was. Because it was from New York.

 

“One New York coffee, please,” Viktor said to the barista.

 

“What’s a New York coffee?”

 

The barista was adorable, even though he didn’t know what a New York coffee was and he lived in New York and worked at a New York coffee shop.

 

He was a simpleton but Viktor loved him immediately. Be knew he needed him. Needed him in Petrovia. To train his dog Makkachin for the Christmas ball. He could tell from his face he was good with dogs. He neede him to train Makkachin to put the star at the top of the tree. What a perfect idea,  Viktor thought. 

 

“Do you still want to order…?”

 

Viktor smiled. “You’re going to train my dog.”

 

The barista blinked at him. It was a beautiful blink, if blinks could be beautiful. Which they could be. Because the barista/dog trainer’s blink was beautiful. “I. What?”

 

“Makkachin. You’re going to train him. It’ll be great! You can start after your shift.”

 

“Is this a joke?”

 

The barista clearly did not understand his true calling as a dog trainer. That was understandable, as some people just didn’t know their true callings sometimes. Viktor knew that. But he needed this man, this beautiful man, to train Makkachin so that Makkachin could also realise his true calling as a dog who could hang stars on Christmas trees. 

 

“Of course not! Do you not care about the true calling of Dogs???” Viktor asked, with a very serious voice.

 

This was a quite important matter, poor Makkachin. She/He must be able to hang stars on trees. It was a very important Petrovia tradition. Viktor knew  it was so important. He didn’t want his dog to have a low self esteem.

 

Yuuri seemed to be the right person to bolster it. 

 

So he kidnapped him on a flight to Petrovia. And Yuuri wore his best Converses for the occasion.

 

Yuuri was obviously a dog lover and a man destined to train Makkachin because the second he saw Makkachin’s beautiful dog face, begging him to come train him, he said yes. “That’s so cool you have a poodle. I used to have one too.” Yuuri looked sad when he said that and Viktor didn’t like it. Because beautiful men destined to train beautiful dogs should never look sad.

 

“You shouldn’t look sad,” Viktor told him. “But you’re still beautiful when you do.”

 

Yuuri had been ignoring most of Viktor’s compliments since Viktor had stolen him away from the coffee shop and he continued this trend. “When is the flight to… where are we going again?”

 

“Petrovia.”

 

“Right.” Yuuri had the face of a man who was beautiful and could train dogs and also who had no idea where Petrovia was.

 

“It’s near Russia.”

 

“A lot of places are by Russia?”

 

“But this is the place specifically that has _ my  _ Russian accent, bitch.”

 

Yuuri didn’t really know what was going on but he liked poodles so he figured whatevs yo what’s it’s cool. If a peice wants me to train his pood, I’m cool with dat.”

 

He was a poor barista, he hadn’t been nowhere. So travelling and hanging out with dogs was cool with him.

 

Makkachin was missing a leg. But Yuuri still loved him. At first sight. Obviously.

 

“HOW LONG IS THE FLIGHT?”

 

“I don’t know. But we’re in business class! Free booze.”

 

“Can’t complain about that.”

 

“I know right? It’s so comfortable. So many movies. It’s great.”

 

“When they got there, his Mom super lane. She wanted him to marry a girl. But that girl wasn’t even fuckin straight??? She was obviously from Lesbovia where McKenzie and Katy reigned. She was gay as shit.

 

Yuuri was like, “wtf??? Your son and I are clearly meant to the bing bang together. And to teach Makkachin how to put shit on trees, cause that’s why I’m here.” wink wonk.

 

“But you have to marry your childhood friend Mila, Viktor. I’m friends with her parents and we decided like. Before you were born. That we wanted our kids to get married and you’re really harshing my vibe.”

 

“But Mom!” Viktor threw himself dramatically against the side of his mom’s super sweet expensive car. “I love him! And he’s going to train Makkachin! Makkachin loves Mila but she can’t train him to put a star on a tree!”

 

“Training dogs has nothing to do with marriage, son.”

 

“Of course it does! That’s what marriage is all about! You’re miserable with dad because he could never train your dog!”

 

Viktor’s mom knew it was true but she wouldn’t tell him. She was too proud. But Viktor knew.

 

He cried to Yuuri later that night. There was a bad snowstorm, but Viktor’s tears were worse and they melted right through it. Yuuri found Viktor’s Mom in the Viktor tear vs. thunderstorm fued and he told her, “please be easier on your son. He just loves me. Is that so bad?”

 

Viktor’s Mom went out to the garage and cried over her expensive car for five hours. Until it was morning. 

 

In the meantime, Viktor and Yuuri went to the market. They found a few orphans there. They were very endeared. Even more endeared than Makkachin with one missing leg.

 

“We should adopt them all,” Viktor said. “And have them decorate our Christmas tree. And it will be a fabulous season for all people and dogs alike. 

 

He wasTry to fuck that up, Viktor’s mom!

 

Suddenly!!!

 

Viktor’s mom appeared out of nowhere. “You can’t adopt ten orphans, Viktor. You’re not married and there’s not enough room in the palace!”

 

“The palace has 17 bedrooms,” Yuuri told her.

 

“Well I still won’t allow it!”

 

“You’re just bitter!” Viktor screamed. It wasn’t an ugly scream, but a very beautiful and regal scream. “Because you couldn’t be with your true love! And you never found your calling in life!”

 

He was very right to call her out. Stupid bitter ass bitch. Yuuri had counted the rooms they had available, he knew what they could manage. 

 

He invited them to all the Christmas party, anyway. What was Vikor’s Mom gonna do? She can’t make a scene in front of all those reporters. Duh.

 

So Yuuri got dressed in a fucking nice ass gown. I’m talking glitter ass gold with lots of fancy details. You could tell that dres cost a hell of a lot. Everyone stopped to look at him! He was glittering and fabulous at the top of the stairs. Viktor’s Mom forgot ALL of her homophobia in that moment. 

 

Yuuri went down the stairs and everyone watched him in his glittery gown. But don’t worry, he picked up his gown at the end. He had pure white Converses underneath. He was still Just Like us.

 

And he picked up his dress to let us know.

 

Viktor’s Mom was Shook.

 

Viktor was too Gay to notice how Shook his mom was. Yuuri was a goddamn vision. An angel sent from above to bless his life with Beauty and Love. A soul made for him to bring his gay life even more joy, since he already had a lot of joy from Makkachin.

 

Makkachin stood up on her hind legs (because the missing one was in front) and she put a Christmas star on top of the Christmas tree. Just like Viktor had always wanted!

 

“When did you find the time to train Makkachin?” He asked Yuuri, tears in his beautiful Not-Russian blue eyes.

 

“We’ve been here for like two weeks,” Yuuri told him. “You and your mom were just too busy being dramatic so I had a lot of time to train Makkachin.”

 

“He also taught us how to make New York coffee!” one of the random maids told Viktor. “He came to the kitchen every night while you and your mom did your evening facial masks and showed us all his secrets!”

 

He was basically the best person in the world. Or at least, compared to Viktor and Viktor’s Mom who just argue and then apply facials, Yuuri seemed quite normal.

 

Although, he cried when poodles did nice shit. So that was weird.

 

But he made everyone cookies, so they let it slide.

 

Anyway, life in Petrovia was cool. And fuck you Google because Petrovia and Makkachin are the best words you could imagine.

 

Even Viktor’s prejudice ass Mom could recognize that! Duh, Bitch!

 

So Yuuri and Viktor probably adopt a bunch of kids and dogs and shitl (fuck Viktor’s Mom. Mila is gay anyway, one day she will realize. The taco is so good). 

 

“I’m so glad we adopted these ten orphans and gave them all their own rooms in this giant ass palace,” Viktor told Yuuri once evening.

 

“I’m so glad too,” Yuuri told him. “They get everything they want from Sephora.”

 

“They do! They never have to worry about break outs. Best shit.”

 

“We have almost everything we could ever want,” Yuuri said.

 

“We do… what do you mean ‘almost’?”

 

“Well…”

 

Yuuri got out of bed so that he could grab something from the bedside table because he was a stupid asshole and didn’t realise that you could just bend off the bed at weird angles and do hella weird abwork to get things without getting out of bed. 

 

Regardless of his poor abilities to lean out of bed and grab shit, he grabbed a beautiful black box out of his bedside table.

 

“We’re not married,” Yuuri told Viktor. “But we should change that.”

 

“Fucking marry me, bitch,” Yuuri said. The ring was so shiny. So crazy shiny. Viktor didn't’ know what to say for a full five minutes cause that shit was so shiny.

 

Finally, he said, “holy shit. Yes. Correct levels of shine. I will marry your ass. Immediately.” 

 

Yuuri was like, “hell, yeah, cause I can’t afford all these orphans and dogs on my own.”

 

So Yuuri and Viktor married like basically a week later cause Viktor had the money for that shit, okay?

 

He was the prince of Petrovia. Don’t question it.

 

After  witnessing Viktor and Yuuri’s beautiful as shit wedding and the blessings that it brought to all the goddamned world, Mila, Duchess of Lesbovia, realised that she also had a true love sitting right in goddamned front of her and proposed to Sara, her BFFsie from Twinbrovia. Sara gladly accepted the proposal because she loved Mila and also she agreed to move to Lesbovia because her brother was creepy as shit and also Lesbovia was a better, more liberal place than Twinbrovia.

 

Viktor’s mom never stopped being a Huge Bitch but she did realise that Viktor was right and that she had denied her True Love and Dog Trainer all her life because she was trying to live her life according to Duty but that is dumb as fuck. Her True Love, the random kitchen maid, was super forgiving even though she shouldn’t have been and accepted Viktor’s mom’s proposal to be gay married forever.

 

The main thing was that Viktor’s Mom had a problem with the word “duty,: It was just too close to the bodily function. And that made her hella uncomfortable!

 

But it was okay. Doody is just a part of life. And she got used to it over time. So she was okay with her relationship and with Viktor’s.

 

And anyway, she got a super sweet well-trained dog out of the deal! So who cares about buttholes and shit like that. Makkachin was able to put the star on the tree for many years after, and it gave Petrovia a GREAT reputation. Everyone was like, “Holy shit, dude. How did you teach your dog to do that???”

 

And the queen was like yeah. That’s just how cool my son’s husband is. What can I say yo.

 

And so the Queen and the Random Maid lived happily ever after and ruled over Petrovia until the day they died because Petrovia was not a patriarchal monarchy and didn’t give a shit if they were ruled by two queens or not.

 

Viktor and Yuuri also lived happily ever after with their ten children and twenty seven point three well-trained poodles. After the unfortunate simultaneous lesbian death of Viktor’s mom and her wife, they ruled Petrovia proudly and well.

 

Mila and Sara were bomb as fuck. They had a great time. Living happily ever after was for fools but they lived great as shit lives, as duchesses in Lesbovia. Which had beautiful queens for rulers. But they didn’t need to rule, they just needed to be fabulous and show up to royal parties and occasionally vote on royal rule and shit because duchesses are cool.

  
  



End file.
